Saudade
by anderberrybros
Summary: And so, Tawni Hart—with her flawless skin, dazzling smile, and perfect body—fell to the floor and cried.


She just didn't understand it.

She was _Tawni Hart_.

She didn't deserve this—this _blasphemy_.

Suddenly, Tween Weekly didn't show her beautiful and impeccably flawless face. It was supposed to be all about her, her, her. There was nothing wrong with Tawni—nothing at all! So why did she suddenly feel as if she'd been tossed aside, like yesterday's news?

It was all _her_ fault. That little witch that came here from "cozy, homey Wisconsin" (please note the sarcasm) to absolutely destroy—_annihilate_, even!—Tawni Hart's life.

She was the new girl. She never made a mistake—Diva? Impossible!—and was nice to everyone. She was suddenly the new favorite. No one cared about Tawni Hart anymore.

And then… _She_ met _him_.

Tawni absolutely hated it. Their little fights—if someone could even call them that—only helped to prove that they liked each other. That _he_ liked _her_.

That _he_ did _not_ like _Tawni Hart_.

Was she too fat, she wondered? No… Impossible! What was that treacherous little thought doing in her beautiful head? She was absolutely amazing! She watched her weight and never ate too much. She was just what the Doctor ordered. She was _perfect_!

Tawni, of course, didn't _like_ him. No, that was simply preposterous. She just couldn't understand how he could like _her_ and not love _Tawni Hart_. She was beautiful, talented, intelligent! Maybe a bit of an airhead sometimes, maybe a bit conceited, but she knew what she wanted and how to get it. It just completely baffled her as to how he wasn't head-over-heels in love with her.

_Chad Dylan Cooper_.

She wasn't allowed to use the words she wanted to describe him. They weren't _pretty_ enough.

Even since _she_ came along, CDC had been acting like a lovesick puppy. He never fought with Tawni anymore. It was always the _new_ girl.

_Sonny Munroe_.

So what if Sonny had big, brown eyes and a beautiful smile? Tawni's eyes were the color of emerald—in fact, _emerald_ envied _Tawni Hart_. And her smile—oh, gosh, don't get her started! Tawni Hart's smile was what made boys go crazy over her!

So why didn't _he_?

They had a fling when they were younger. _The Goody Gang_—their old show—was a hit! It was amazing! It was an extremely popular show that everyone loved. He had a history with her, Tawni Hart…

He had no history with Allison Munroe!

Stupid Chad Dylan Cooper… Stupid Sonny Munroe…

Sonny Munroe—she was just that: always so _bright_ and _sunny_, his little _Sonshine_—was the perfect angel. Everyone loved her before they even met her! _So Random!_ didn't need another cast mate. Once Mandy left—and even before she left; who was she kidding?—Tawni was the star of the show. Not this… This wannabe! She was an even better actress than Tawni—No! She can't think like that! Tawni Hart was the Greatest Actress of Our Generation!

Wait. Did she just think that?

She was _not_ as conceited as Chad Dylan Cooper. There was no way. Impossible.

What was wrong with her?

Tawni Hart does not doubt herself. She knows what she wants and knows how to get it.

… Doesn't she?

Maybe she wasn't as amazing an actress as she thought. She _was_ doubting herself—maybe it was a sign? Maybe it was her mind's way of telling her to give up the fight…?

No, she needed to stop these thoughts. Tawni Hart will always be amazing and beautiful and flawless.

Because, even when she was doubting her own _pretty_, there were still over a million fans out there in the world who all supported her and said that she was the best on _So Random!_.

(Which, by the way, she wasn't sure was true anymore.)

Tawni Hart wasn't an idiot. She was just in denial; insecure. But she would _never_ admit it aloud to _anyone_! That was just crazy.

Her best friend was Sonny Munroe.

Her worst enemy was Sonny Munroe.

How does that—that _paradox_ work?

She loved the _Children Having A Dream Foundation_. Did she mention that? She _despised_ Dakota, but she had to give it to the poor little rich girl. She could act fairly well and had great taste in guys.

But Tawni Hart did _not_ like Chad Dylan Cooper. No way. That would be crazy!

Anyway, Allison "Sonny" Munroe had her delicate little claws dug deeply into Chad Dylan Cooper's chest.

He would _never_ love Tawni Hart.

She would watch them in the halls—she would see them giving the other the _eye_—let's-meet-up-in-private—and would have to try _so hard_ to not run at Sonny and claw her eyes out—even if it meant messing up her _perfect_ nails. She would see their hands brush when they thought no one was watching, or see them exit the same room at different times, their lips bruised and their shirts wrinkled. She even saw Chad Dylan Cooper—_the_ Chad Dylan Cooper!—with smeared lip gloss on his face, chin, neck… It just kept on going lower…

And then she would see Sonny. She almost _always_ seemed to carry a hairbrush with her now. Chad Dylan Cooper loved to get all mixed up in her beautiful, dark locks—she just knew that he loved it even more when he got to brush the tangles out of her hair that _he_ proudly caused. She would see Sonny covering her neck—with her hair, a turtleneck, a scarf even!—from all the dark red marks he would leave.

It just made her _sick_.

She would sit there, acting animated as Sonny told Tawni all the glamorous things that Chad would do with or for her.

"_Chad is a fool for Sonny."_

She hated that billboard… And he refused to take it down. No matter how much she—indirectly, of course—begged him to take it down, he would say no. He wanted Sonny to always, always, always know just how much he loved her.

She would just sit there. She would just sit there and listen to Sonny say how they almost went all the way, and would have if his mother hadn't come home.

(She didn't know she could love Mrs. Cooper so much until Sonny had told her that.)

And, after every single arrow at her heart, Tawni would wonder.

Why couldn't she be Sonny Munroe?

_" _… _She feels threatened by Sonny, so I think it's a bit of insecurity more so than she is just being that 'hateful' person."_

Maybe… That was right.

Maybe Tawni Hart was jealous of Sonny Munroe.

Maybe she felt insecure next to her.

Was she smart enough? Was she amazing enough? Was she talented enough?

Was she _pretty_ enough?

Tawni Hart officially hated Sonny Munroe. Because, even when the day was done and Tawni would go home and lie on her big, fluffy, Tempur-Pedic mattress and comforter staring at her ceiling, she would wonder why she was trying so hard to only get broken-hearted.

Even when the day was done, Allison Munroe would still have Chad Dylan Cooper.

Even when the day was done, Allison Munroe would still be number one.

Even when the day was done, Allison Munroe would still have her feelings for Chad Dylan Cooper returned.

Because Tawni Hart loved Chad Dylan Cooper, and he didn't love her back—he loved her 'best friend.'

And so, Tawni Hart—with her flawless skin, dazzling smile, and perfect body—fell to the floor and cried.

* * *

_********__Saudade_: _a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost._

_**Alright, here's a little Tawni action for you! I read a story by **_**lightsthecity_ about Tawni that had a similar feel to this story and it_ really_ inspired me. It's called _So Much for Wonderland_. Go read it's amazingness!_**

**_Sorry if this story was a bit... Ick. I wrote it at like 6AM after having no sleep all night, so it hasn't been edited. At _all_. Please tell me what you think of it in a review!_**

**_The line about Tawni being insecure was taken from an interview by Tiffany Thornton. So yeah, credit to her amazing self!_**

**_Thank you very much... _FALLING FOR THE FALLS_ IS AWESOME! (;_**


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